I don't remember where I left off with the story from the last post but I remember I wanted to review the entire week Dave and I were in Bellevue, NE waiting for labor to begin.
Right now I am sitting on a comfy chair in the hallway in the birth center using a desktop computer right by the door to my room. Eli is sleeping off and on, I'm nursing him off and on while typing this all out. I am so thankful for today's restful day. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet, my sweet snuggly warm baby, and thankful for this time to type out this blog entry before I get home and too busy to sit down and write it all out. I made rough notes throughout the week of our whereabouts and what decisions we made along the way, so if its patchy and hard to understand, its because I'm recording what I wrote down, not what I remember. The week was really long and drawn out, full of emotion, and not all of it stuck in my head.
I found Dr. Finley through some contacts I had with ICAN (Int'l Cesarean Awareness Network). Traveling so far was initially out of the question for me (its a 4 hr drive) but it became apparent I was not going to find support in Iowa after being told no so many times from various places. And I was still determined to give going through labor another chance to try have my baby normally. I am learning that I am a pretty persistent determined person about certain things. :) I'm sure some of you reading could have already told me that. I realized my chances were low (because of my history of going so far past my due date and having such large babies) but either way, for my own sake and sanity, I had to give it another shot.
Dr. Finley has proven to be the right choice. He is an amazing doctor, and I am so, so thankful I had the opportunity and support system to come here to have my last baby. The reason I traveled such lengths to see a doctor who would help with my effort to VBAC was because I wanted a place where I wasn't entering opposition. Being in a hospital where the doctor is nervous about what you're doing and adamantly suggesting you have a cesarean is really stressful. Dave and my family have been a wonderful support system, realizing my desires and wishes, and doing everything they could to make it happen.
Monday, May 28th, my parents came down to pick up the kids and take them back to Mason City. The morning was a flurry of packing and getting them out the door. Car seats installed in their car, stuff in trunk, off they went. Dave and I loaded up our stuff and drove to Omaha. My appointment was at 3 pm. We arrived closer to 3:30pm Then plan was for Dr. Finley to put a foley bulb in my cervix to help it dilate. We only went routes to help labor get started that did not involve drugs because of my history of 3 cesareans. Pitocin, cervadil and cytotek are all too powerful and increased my risk of rupture too much. The fact that this doctor was willing to even HELP ME start labor was wonderful. Most doctors would have not even let me go past my due date a week. The foley bulb is basically a balloon that once inserted, they blew it up with water to force my cervix open. I was 2 cm dilated when he first checked, and then once it was inserted and blown up, he said come back tomorrow morning and we'll take it out. That night, we stayed in a hotel, the Microtel Inn (room 201) across the street from the Bellevue Medical Center hospital. I had a plastic tube taped to my leg (the end of the foley bulb). Dave and I put our stuff in the hotel and went out to get dinner. We decided on Outback Steakhouse. During dinner, I felt a few contractions. They continued to come for about an hour then stopped. We slept through the night and after breakfast, waited for our appointment at 10:30 am to have it taken out.
Tuesday: I decided to try get acupuncture to try get labor started again before going to our appointment, so we found someone and got in right away. The chiropractor who did it put the needles in for 20 minutes and then checked me for alignment. He found nothing to adjust and we headed off to our appointment, getting there a tad late. It turned out to be a very busy in the clinic that morning so we ended up waiting an hour in the waiting room and another hour in the doctor's exam room. Dr. Finley apologized for being so busy and making us wait. He was surprised the foley bulb was still in. He took it out, checked my cervix, and found it to be open to approx 4-5 cm. He said the outer was stretchy to 6 but the inner was still around 4. Still about 1.5" thick. He suggested a few things to get labor going, one definitely being walking, so the head can press on the cervix and help thin it out. He also did a quick ultrasound and baby was still laying on his left side facing my right hip. We made a trip to Whole Foods and couldn't find what he suggested, so we got lunch at The Cheesecake Factory (Dave got cheesy pasta, I had a ham/cheese omelet with bacon on the side). I was feeling more contractions off and on, but nothing consistent or incredibly painful. We decided to go walking in the mall. A lot of people back home were under the impression that I was admitted to the hospital after a labor induction, which wasn't really the case, so I had tons of messages/texts to respond to about what was going on because it was the 2nd day. Cleared up the story with lots of people, and we kept walking. We walked, walked, and walked...and wore out our feet. Later that night we got a few things at Target and ate some salads for dinner from McDonalds. We checked back into the Microtel (room 101, known as the room with the shower that had so much pressure the water felt like needles! owie!) and went to bed. Mild contractions kept coming, nothing worth getting excited about though. The weather was getting colder and neither of us brought jackets or sweatshirts, so we each picked up something long sleeved at the mall while we were walking around. I even bought 2 maternity shirts because I did not pack more than 2. I really thought we would have this baby boy out by Tuesday the 29th.
Wednesday: In the morning I got up and went to the bathroom, and a gush of something came out of me. I thought I smelled a familiar smell similar to when my water broke when I was in labor with Vanessa 2 years ago. I was nervous about "not knowing for sure" if my water had broken or not, so Dave and I decided to go in to the hospital and have that checked. The hospital nurses gave me a room and tested, but it was negative. They also checked my cervix and it was still at 5 cm. We ate a small lunch at Blimpie's Subs and decided to go walking around the zoo. A lady from Scooter's Coffeeshop suggested that as a good place to get in some good walking. So we checked out the Omaha Zoo. It was much bigger than we could tackle in a day. We walked through the aquarium, the insect house, the indoor desert, a butterfly garden, saw a short IMAX movie about the polar bears in the Arctic, and other stuff, I can't really remember. I was feeling really desparate to get labor going, and was feeling like nothing was going to happen. While at the bird exhibit at the zoo, I made a call to Dr. Finley to ask him if he would be willing to give me a "whiff" of pitocin, just enough to create steady contractions, or if not, break my water so things would move. He said he was still not OK using pitocin and breaking water was only safe if baby's head was lower and engaged in the pelvis so the baby's umbilical cord didn't slip through the cervical opening first, creating a scarey situation. He said baby was not in a good spot so he wouldn't do either thing. Ok. So we kept walking. That night after getting home from the zoo we walked another mile to a pizza place. As soon as I sat down at the pizza place, contractions hit and they were actually painful, causing me to stop and focus for a minute while until they were over. They were coming every 5 minutes for about three hours. Even while walking. I was really thinking they wouldn't stop. But around 11:30 pm, I laid down on the bed (in room 214, we checked back into the hotel) to get some rest and they immediately stopped. It was almost as if I had to be upright for them to keep coming. The contractions stopped. We slept all night. I was bummed out and getting frustrated.
Thursday: Went back in to see Dr. Finley to check for cervical change. He was surprised to find my cervix completely thinned out but still only dilated to 5 cm (maybe 6 he said). He said the effacement was a good sign, and things could start any moment with as far along as I was. We were encouraged leaving his office. We also knew that Dr. Finley would not be around Thursday through Sunday. He was off with his family at a wedding in Texas. His back-up doctor, Dr. Larsen, was also "on board" with helping me with VBAC and shared the same convictions about not using pitocin. Dr. Finley said if I'm still around Monday, he would break my water to get things moving, if labor progressed great, if not, we'll do a cesarean. Ok, that was the plan. I was feeling really sad knowing things hadn't started already and it had been 4 days of being there already. I knew childcare was an issue back home, we had to work something else out, and make some calls. I was starting to feel really stressed out like we were starting to be a pain to others helping with the kids. People reassured me we weren't. I also was feeling stressed because my doula, Tracey, was waiting in Sioux City (an hour away) at a relative's house, just waiting for labor to start so she could come help when the time came. I texted her and told her to go home. :( I couldn't handle the stress knowing she was just a sitting duck away from her family for days just waiting for me, and I could feel it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so she drove home Thursday night back to Cedar Falls. We worked out child care for Friday through Tues. My dad handled the kids Friday-Sunday at our house in Cedar Falls, and Barb Anderson took them Sunday and Monday, and Candy Busch (and Trisha) took them Monday and Tuesday. I was really sad knowing that this time away from home to try birth baby boy was taking so long and I had to fight feeling like others juggling the kids was a burden. I was also really, really missing my kids. I wanted their love, hugs, kisses and smiles. I knew Vanessa would be missing me a lot too. Violet and Calvin seem to understand what's going on, but she doesn't.
At one point, while Dave and I were walking on Thursday at the mall, I made a desparate call to Dr. Larsen and asked her if she could break my water instead on Friday morning. She said yes, she could do that. I said OK, but after hanging up, immediately felt like that was not the right choice. She admitted that she is quicker to call a patient to have a cesarean because she doesn't have the experience Dr. Finley does, and he is more patient than her when it comes to all factors regarding natural birth. Nice of her to say that. I called back to cancel the induction. So we waited instead. I made that choice based on trying to "hurry it up already" and wanting to get home. We checked into room 207 and booked the room through Monday because we heard the hotel was filling up over the weekend. Room 207 was bigger, had a refrigerator, microwave and couch.
Thursday night we went on a hunt for a 24 hr laundromat. Neither of us packed enough for as long as we were staying so we found a place up in Omaha (after driving to 3 other ones that we closed). We washed 2 loads and dried them, got back to the hotel by midnight, and fell asleep.
Friday: We woke up and had breakfast at the hotel. We decided that if we were going to walk away our days, we had to find a different place to go other than the indoor mall we'd seen twice already. We headed for downtown Omaha and walked over a large pedestrian bridge that crossed the Iowa border. We then found a place called "Old Market" section of downtown that was quaint, had neat unique shops (reminded me of Galena), and really good restaurants. We of course, walked as much and around each store as possible. We had dinner at a delicious italian place. I was struggling with enjoying my time alone with Dave and feeling frustration that labor hadn't started yet. I was 5 cm dilated walking around at 42 weeks and 5 days. Really? Wouldn't any "normal" woman have started labor yet? Not much for contractions on Friday. Dave got me to go with him to a movie called Battleship at a nearby cinema.
Saturday: We woke up too late to get breakfast at the hotel so we went to Village Inn for breakfast. While walking around Omaha Friday night we learned that the annual Taste of Omaha was being held today. I remembered a detail about the kids starting swimming lessons on Monday and called the WRC at UNI and worked it out so I could mail them a check for lessons. We prepared that envelope, stamped it, and drove downtown to check out the Taste of Omaha. We walked for close to 4 hours before stopping for lunch. We also walked across the pedestrian bridge to IA and back. Dave got a bit sunburned, I got a tan. My flip flop tan line is rather impressive. I wasn't hungry at lunch so I only drank a strawberry smoothie. Dave got a BBQ pork sandwich. After all the sun, we both had to get indoors. We stopped at Target so I could pick up a pumice stone for my feet and some foot therapy lotion. My feet were black and rough from all the walking. We found another mall to go walking in but it was dead as a doornail...all the stores were closed except for a couple. Weird ghost town feel. Apparently it was under construction by a developer. We went back to the bigger mall we were familiar with (Westroads Mall) and walked more. Dave suggested I get a pedicure, which I couldn't say no to. He wasn't sure where to sit and wait for me, so he just opted to get a pedicure himself. We thoroughly enjoyed the massaging chairs and the foot scrubs/rubs. I got a new blue color on my toes to celebrate baby boy. We stopped at "Five Guys" for some fresh burgers for supper, and went back to the hotel to relax. I scrubbed my feet even more with the pumice stone til they were smooth and pink again. Dave suggested another movie (MIB3), I figured that would be nice to relax and sit. As soon as we sat down at the movie, contractions started up again. They distracted me from the movie, but weren't that intense. The minute we laid down to go to sleep the contractions stopped again.
Sunday morning: Dave went to Keystone Bible Chapel in Omaha, NE. I stayed at the hotel and relaxed. I did not feel like being social with strangers. I tried going for a walk outside but it was too hot. I prayed for awhile and texted some people back in CF. I was sent a pic of Calvin in Sunday School that made me happy and also tear up. I laid down to rest for awhile. Dave came back excited to tell me about the people he had come in contact with. He had eaten lunch at the chapel so I snacked on fruit and dinner leftovers in our hotel room for lunch. Dave took a nap...I watched TV. I had pretty much "given up" trying to get labor going and was just annoyed with waiting so long and couldn't wait for Monday morning to have my water broken and get this labor going already. Dave spoke with my dad on the phone for awhile. We got some decaf lattes at Starbucks, and decided on Ruby Tuesdays for dinner. After sitting down and both reading about their amazing BBQ ribs that is what we both ordered. The manager of the restaurant came to our table and sat down, and said "I'm sorry, this isn't what you're going to want to hear, but we are out of ribs. They went quicker than we anticipated this afternoon and the new batch is in the slow cooker and won't be done for awhile. If you want, you can choose another item from the menu for free and we will take care of your whole meal on the house tonight." So we were pretty impressed by his kind offer!! We both ordered steaks instead, which were also good (after getting them done again because they were way overcooked). We thanked the Lord for the surprise of a free meal.
So Monday morning FINALLY came. Dr. Finley had told us on Thursday that we should get started early, close to 6 am. So we set our alarms to wake up at 4:45 am. We both showered, got stuff packed up, and went to Village Inn for a quick breakfast. I called labor and delivery to make sure of my check in time and they said it was supposed to be closer to 7 am. We got there at 6:45 am. Nurses got me checked in, and we waited in our hospital room (first one we went to was room 206). I fell asleep in the bed. Dave rested on the couch. Dr. Finley came in about 8 am, and checked my cervix.
As soon as he had the results of that exam, he stopped and sat down. He was quiet for a moment, then looked back up at us with a sad face. He said my cervix was still the same, no change, and in fact, the situation looked worse. He said he could barely reach it, baby's head was SO high. It was apparent baby boy's head never engaged (or "dropped") into my pelvis at all, and in fact was higher. The situation was unfavorable for him to break my water, and he said he wouldn't do it. A few tears were rolling down his cheeks when he told us. I felt a wave of strong emotion well up inside me and I asked for help sitting up because I couldn't breathe. Tears started falling down my cheeks faster than I could think and Dave just held me as I sobbed. Dr. F and the nurses said they'd come back in a little while. He came back in the room after awhile and explained the major risk of breaking my water was the danger of the umbilical cord rushing through my cervical opening when the amniotic sac was to be ruptured. The last thing he said he wanted to encounter was a handful of cord which immediately creates a dangerous situation, since that cord is baby's lifeline. He got out an ultrasound machine and got a look at baby. Baby boy had flipped to face the other side (my left hip) and was looking more up, which is an unfavorable position to push a baby out. The crown of his head would not go down first. It was like baby said no. And baby boy had been communicating no this whole week.
He said he was then willing to start a small dose of pitocin so I could "labor" and see if anything changed. But seeing the situation being so unfavorable I just shook my head and said no. I don't want to do that. I did that when I was in labor with Violet. The pitocin is so awful, so painful, and I knew I couldn't get out of bed if I was on pit. I immediately knew that would be the wrong choice. I was already 43 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Baby was pretty big, and labor had not started. It just all added up to a big "this isn't going to work" in my head. So we agreed to do a cesarean delivery at noon. My doula Tracey had been on the road for awhile already and was an hour from arriving, so she stayed once she got here. I was in and out of crying most of the morning. Still processing disappointment, still processing how frustrated I was with my body, not getting to be one of the normal women who get to push their babies out with no trouble. Feeling bad my baby had to go through that birth trauma. Not understanding why. I can't even type this paragraph with out tears.
We were moved to a different hospital room (209) that accommodates cesarean moms better, having everything the same except for a shower stall, no tub. I walked around the hospital halls with Tracey for a little bit, experiencing a few light contractions. I just wanted the cramping pain to go away. They were no longer welcome. The anesthesiologist came by my room to talk about my health, what drugs she was going to use, and I was prepped for surgery, Dave prayed with all the nurses and doctors before going back. Dave scrubbed up, got his camera, and walked back with me as I was wheeled back. Dave could join me in the OR once my spinal block was put in. Dr. F came in and put his hand on my back and said everything was going to go well. He knew I wanted to hold baby immediately after he came out, so he instructed the nurses to let me do that. I sat on the OR table while the spinal was put in. My lower half went numb and I laid down. Dave came in. They started the cesarean and I asked if I could see him come out when the time came, so they moved a camera to view baby's birth and a viewing monitor next to my head so I could see everything. When baby was pulled out Dr. F said "wow, that's a big head" and he let out a cry and Dave's first words were "he's a big boy!". He got weighed, sucked out, wiped off and wrapped up, and placed in my left arm so we could be face to face. I was told he was 10 lbs 5 oz, my biggest baby yet. His length was 21 3/4 inches, and his head was 16". Baby stopped fussing immediately when he was placed by my skin face to face. I talked to him the whole time I was being sewed up. Baby boy's eyes were wide open, focused on me, and his face was calm watching me. I loved, loved it. I missed out on those first awake moments with my other three kids at birth and finally got to see/hold/talk to my baby after they came out of me. It was great. I remember asking Dr. F during surgery half jokingly if he could sew my abs together, and he actually answered with a "yeah, I can try do that". He tried his best to pull my muscles together with some stitches and pull my stomach skin down and tighter than it was before and fix how crooked the last cesarean was sewed. He said it was his best attempt at a cesarean-recovery tummy tuck. I am not seeing a bit of difference but maybe once I heal up and 6 months passes, I'll notice. But for now, I appreciated his effort at fixing me up.
Once I was all done, I got wheeled back to my room and got to unwrap baby and get him next to my skin so I could nurse him. He was so alert. He got his mouth open big, latched on quickly as if he had lessons in utero, and enthusiastically sucked away. It was wonderful!
Dave and I got out our list of baby boy names and talked about naming him for awhile. We couldn't really come to a conclusion yet so we let it go for an hour or so. We got out our list again, and decided on Eli Joseph. It seemed to fit best, and we love it now. I do not remember everything that happened that day. I opted for a nerve block from the anesthesiologist that was a new service they offered - two injections near my stomach on each side that numbed my lower uterus to block the pain of the incision for 18 hours. It worked great. A lot of was snuggling and nursing happened. Eli pooped a ton of meconium poo...3 diapers worth. We took a lot of pictures, communicated to others via email and facebook that he had arrived. Tracey helped out too. She stayed in a hotel that night. We ordered food, I think, somewhere in there. I had 2 IVs in my right arm, a catheter in for urine, and foot compression pads on my lower legs. I was pretty much stationed to my bed for the first day. The first time I got up to stand on my feet was Tuesday I think. I was still pretty emotional that first day too, finding my face full of tears many times when telling people on the phone what all happened.
Even though this was not the birth I hoped for, I am so glad I gave my body a chance. The doctor and facility I chose to come to was the right choice. I have no doubt about that. I was treated with nothing but respect, and Dr. F was incredibly understanding, patient with me and the process, and really did whatever he could to help. He only mentioned the risks I was taking once and never again. I couldn't ask for anything more from a care provider in my situation. Such a contrast from my experience in Iowa City two years ago. This was a nice way to be handled and treated, nobody made me feel like a freak for asking to do what I wanted. In fact, the gentleness of how this was handled was in such contrast with Vanessa's birth that I'm finding myself even more angry with how her birth was handled. I'm going to be emotionally healing from her birth for a long time. What a nightmare.
Dave left yesterday (Tues, June 5th) to go home to care for the kids, and he is bringing them back tonight (Wed, June 6th) so they can meet baby Eli and reunite with me. They should be here about 6:45 pm. We plan to get pizza for supper. Not sure where they'll stay the night yet. Dave is going to take care of them in the hotel tonight and we will drive home together (as a family of 6!!) tomorrow when I am discharged from the hospital.
I'll post pics when I get home.
