sometimes...

Sometimes the days with Violet get long. She is so sick right now. Well, not SO sick, but an annoying sick. She's got a runny nose that needs wiping every 4 seconds it seems like, and she keeps coughing. When I hold her I can hear and feel the wetness in her chest. If she could blow her nose really hard and cough really hard, I feel like she could blow the cold right out the door, but its slowly dripping away and its dragging on me. She just walks, constantly....everywhere. She'll drag a toy with her somewhere, then leave it there, then go get it, then bring it over to me, then want it back, then go get something else, and the cycle starts over. I feel like I am feeding her 24/7. She nurses in the morning, then an hour later she eats some sort of breakfast. I give her all sorts of things...fresh fruit, cereal, cereal bars, toast (not all at once!) and she sortof picks and chooses what she wants to eat. I never feel like she gets a decent amount of food in her. For lunch, I bring out a few things and she takes a couple bites...again...I never feel like she eats a whole lot. I don't even know how much she's supposed to be eating in one day. I'm in the weird mix of nursing and giving her food....and its confusing. She likes noodles. A lot. And cheese. I made a chicken noodle soup tonight, and she wolfed down all the egg noodles she could find, and I gave her a couple carrots and celery and a little shred of chicken, and it went in the mouth and promptly back out. I think she sees the bite of food on the fork, and decides to put it in her mouth just so she can spit it out. No need to push it away with her hands...just use the tongue. She's learned that the red bib she's got catches everything she spits out, so I guess its always there for later. Sometimes I clean out whats caught and put it back on her tray...and she rarely notices the difference. I just started whole milk this week. Her first sip was out of the straw cup that she's had water in for the last few months. She was fully expecting water, but got a gulp of the milk, took one weird look at the cup, and pushed it away. She did drink another sip, then pushed it away...like she likes it, but decides she doesn't want it at the same time. As Violet was whining tonight ... I looked at her slobbery nose and sighed. I got sick of her and felt bad about it, because I know these days of her being so young are numbered. Dave said to me like "ya know, if you had my perspective on things, I'm not sure you'd feel the way you do..." and of course, my first inside reaction was to get upset...because I felt like he was telling me something I already realized. Of course I know...my job is draining and gets old, and the whining and cranky sick Violet days seem very long...and he did say that he recognizes that and there's room in my day to feel exhausted...but at that time I just wanted him to let me be exhausted.